Woman to woman

Women are incredible. Most of the women I know dig into life, they dissect it. They reflect on their feelings, they analyze their thoughts and they let themselves have honest breakdowns amongst friends. For this very reason, I am grateful that I was born a woman.

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Photo credit, Tak.Oshida.

Women have uniquely intimate friendships. I’m not sure if this is because our society allows it or because from the start, we wouldn’t have it any other way. I have exposed my deepest fears, insecurities and dreams to my friends. We check in on each other’s “feelings”, or life progress, we’ll spend hours on the phone trying to figure out the men in our life and how to connect better with them.

I was talking with a new friend of mine today and she was telling me about her best friends and how they knew each other. She told me that they were her room mates during a time that her heart was broken. She said her friends would lay next to her in bed so she could fall asleep. Think about that. It’s truly the most selfless kind of love. We love in this way because we see a part of ourselves in these people, we protect them in the way we wish we could protect ourselves and guide them objectively through love and life and hope for the same from them. In my opinion, it’s the purest version of “we’re in this together”. It’s lying in a bed that is not our own and breaking for a heart that is not ours. 

I have a couple of really wonderful friends who have been there through the hardest moments of my life with me. I’ve sat on bedroom floors talking myself through dating, while I was talking myself through it… I was actually speaking outloud, to my friend. She listened, she listened because she’s incredibly kind but also because I wouldn’t shut up. I had just ended my 9 year relationship and I was in shock and reeling and decided that talking about dating was way more fun than sitting alone in my room listening to Damien Rice and writing sad poems. That same girl was my maid of honor in my wedding because she helped get me from that point in my life to this one.

I have another friend that is tough, stubborn and resilient but one of the most empathetic, selfless people you’ll ever meet. She’s not a hugger, mostly because she doesn’t want to rely on anyone, but one time, she fell asleep in my arms.  If I were to count my “broken hearts”, I’ve had my heart sucker punched about 4 times, 2 stand out. One of which altered my path in life and one of which changed my heart and spirit forever. The later of the two was pretty rough. During the first few days, I forgot to eat, I was a mess. I literally didn’t work, shower, eat or drink. My friend fed me yogurt on our living room floor. She is also the same person who over the course of the next few months would tell me to lay on her lap and she’d play with my hair. Not because she’s a girly girl who likes playing with other girl’s hair but because it slows my heartbeat and quiets my thoughts and she knew that.

I have this other girlfriend whom I dream out loud with, as if we were 12 years old. We could spend entire days dreaming together about what we should do next. When I felt overwhelmed and restless. She told me to listen to Spanish Guitar music. I’m not kidding, that was her prescription. Why? Because the pace is frantic and chaotic but it keeps going, it keeps moving forward. And, what do you know, it’s exactly what I needed to listen to! Here is a little Rodrigo y Gabriela in case you feel the same right now.

Then there is my friend who is consistently present. We share the same career independently and every success or small achievement that has come my way, she has been loving, encouraging and well, maybe my biggest cheerleader. It is amazing to me, every time. 

The one really incredible thing about each of these friendships is that we are all so blunt with each other. In fact, we expect it. These girls could say the meanest thing to me about me and I’d listen and likely believe them and spend the next week “fixing” that characteristic or habit of mine. Why? Because they’ve loved and cared for me in ways I didn’t think was possible amongst friends.  They actually have a clue what is “good for me” and they remember the best of me when I have forgotten.

I’m not sure who is reading this or what you might be feeling right now. I guess what I want to say is that I spent a lot of years looking for my guy, my partner, the man I make and raise a family with. Which for me, is really important. But maybe, this particular sect of life wasn’t about the end result but rather the journey to it. Maybe forming these types of intensely intimate friendships amongst women was the point. What if the drama, the heartbreak, the pain was leading me not only to find a good, caring, intelligent man but also leading me towards a kind of friendship that otherwise I might have spent a lifetime without? Just a thought.

Love to you,

A

Shall we?

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2 comments

  1. Mrs Finkling

    this post reminds of why I am so glad that family is not the only option!!
    http://finkling.com/2013/11/25/how-to-survive-toxic-sister-syndrome/

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